Seattle’s Maynard Park Neighborhood might soon be “on the map” in the world of Reality Television, thanks to a TV production crew who has arrived here to begin taping a new series.
We had the opportunity to meet with Executive Producer Marsha Pariah to talk about what this could mean for Maynard Park residents.
MPB: There are a lot of Reality TV shows these days. Could you tell us a little about the show you’re bringing to Maynard Park?
Marsha: You’re right, there are a lot of Reality shows today, but my show represents something new that’s never been done. The show is called Extreme Reality Wars, and very simply it’s a competition show that pits current reality-show Producers against each other in a quest to create the next big hit reality-show.
MPB: How does the show work?
Marsha: Well, each Producer contestant ventures out going door-to-door, visiting shopping centers, riding public transportation, stopping in at Laundromats, basically going to the places where “reality” hangs out looking for human circumstances suitable for InfoEnterExploiTainment.
MPB: What happens next?
Marsha: Each competitor identifies, secures and adapts their discovered reality “talent” to a format of their choice (hoarders, complainers, mattress-eaters, musicians, lawyers, real estate agents or whatever) then they produce and edit a sizzle reel that they bring back and pitch to a panel of ordinary citizen judges. Through a series of elimination rounds, a winner is selected. The winning contestant receives $10 million and an exclusive 39-episode contract for the production of their winning show on the Home Crafts Channel.
MPB: How are the winning Producers judged?
Marsha: We did extensive audience research, and from our studies and analysis we determined that reality-show success was directly correlated to the show’s PTER ranking.
MPB: PTER?
Marsha: The Pity-to-Entertainment-Ratio. In our focus groups, we found that audiences rejected the nothing-but-sad stories because they were just so depressing. But, we found that if you took that same story and mixed in just the right amount of bouncy music and quick hand-held camera movements, the shows PTER went through the roof. That’s the job of a Reality Television Producer, and that’s the challenge our producer/contestants take when they compete with the best of the best to put together a winning show.
MPB: How did you happen to choose Maynard Park as one of your locations?
Marsha: We scouted several locations throughout the country, and chose the communities where we felt there was the most potential.
MPB: Were there residents here that particularly got your attention?
Marsha: When we came through last summer on a location and talent scouting trip, we were impressed with the volume of raw material that was abundant here. Couple of examples… the “Cornucopia Queen” on SW Allen Street. She has a lot of reality-show potential due to the prolific and very narrow focus of her hoard, and just the effort it took to nail all of those horns-of-plenty to nearly every visible surface of her home’s interior and exterior. We were also intrigued by Randall Moorkly who has tirelessly campaigned to convince one of your local community colleges to include an accredited course in CosPlay in their curriculum because of its “significant social import” as stated on the flyers he hands out to anyone who will talk to him.
MPB: So, will the producers mainly be looking for quirky characters?
Marsha: Not necessarily… quirky is always good and will gain points when the Producers pitch their show ideas to the judges, but a winner needs to dig deep and find the hidden gems, like the high-drama of a nail salon, or the philosophical clashes at a donut shop.
MPB: Should Maynard Park residents welcome or fear you and your show?
Marsha: I would think they would welcome us. Who doesn’t want people to come into their lives, take an interest in their existence, validate their despair or celebrate their aspirations?
MPB: Well, I’ve held somewhat silent during this interview, but now it’s time to listen to me for a minute… So, you and your show come into our neighborhood, Miss Marsha, like a swarm of locusts feeding, or like invading aliens from outer-space here to harvest our organs, while we’re alive, no anesthesia, while you parade us Quasimodo-style on that round platform thing all chained up as you wheel us through the throngs of gawkers, and give us some cotton-candy to hold and chew on so we don’t notice you’re making fun of us and pointing cameras up our nostrils looking for some glint of our humanity to slither out so you can slowly kill us while we’re imprisoned like veal, held there in a sickened state, pressed into packages and sold to the highest bidder, who relishes schadenfreude as a sport of the insulated, as the very soul of humanity is crushed, dimmed and descended into a pit of irrevocable decay.
Marsha: I think there may be a place for you on the show.
